Friday, August 29, 2008

off the wagon, on the wagon

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so… ridiculously apparent. But here I am back in the saddle again. Let me tell you, sleeping through a morning really doesn’t produce positive results. Possible side effects include, drowsiness, regret, disorientation, difficulty operating machinery or motor vehicles, and oh yes, that ever-present loathing. So take my word for it. Get out of bed!

As far as the wagon goes, have you ever filled your own with gas and then taken the time to read the receipt. Yesterday, in the spirit of doing more, I did. Posted below is my receipt. Now I don’t show you this to brag, or to show off the fact that my car has a bottomless 25 gallon fuel tank, but just to illustrate what I see as a very dangerous invitation.



Do I understand correctly that Chevron would like me to log on to their web site to tell them about my “shopping” experience? Well you know, it was a great experience. At first I was really leaning towards the premium, but I think it made my butt look big, so I gave the regular a try. Maybe I’m just not a regular guy, but it wasn’t working, the salesman agreed. So I thought to myself, maybe I’ll go with the plus, yeah that its. “Oh, I love it! It really brings out your eyes,” says the salesman.

You want to know about my shopping experience. I’ll tell you, it was incredible! I filled my car with the only physical product that I buy, that I never actually get to see. I just have faith that the stuff I’m squirting into that black hole in the back of my car will actually make it go. They could be giving me gasoline scented Glade air freshener oil for all I know. But the best thing was just watching the price spiral upwards to $100.

Now I get to go home and say to my wife “look what I just spent a hundred bucks on! Oh wait, you can’t really see it, but see my car out there, its in there I promise, just where I put it the last hundred !” It is the most un-fulfilling purchase I could possibly make. I just pumped money into the pocket of some windbag oil magnate or middle eastern dictator and now I get to drive around dumping toxic gasses and pounds of carbon into the air that I live in! It’s like peeing in your own bath water. Incredible!

Well, at least they said thank you…

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